FFVII: Palmer Wants Coffee, NOW!
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: One-Shot Complete! Beware of Palmer's rampage! Palmer goes nuts when he loses his first cup of coffee, and decides to take it out on everyone at the Shrinra Corporation. Someone cue the tragic music! Rated T for strong language and violence.


**Story**: Palmer Wants Coffee…NOW!  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: May 2007  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language and Crazy Violence)  
**Author's Note**: Heheh, I was really hyped-up on caffeine last night when I wrote this fic. Go fig.  
**Disclaimer**: I do not FF7 or the Shinra Corporation.

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**One-Shot: Palmer Wants Coffee…NOW!**

It was a typical day at Shinra Headquarters.

Palmer walks into the Break-Room and pours himself a hot cup of coffee.

"**Now to add lotsa sugar,"** he said turning around to grab said object. When he faced back to where his coffee was supposed to be, it was gone.

"**No…my coffee…need…coffee…"** Palmer sputtered, eyes twitching, and he stiffly strode out to interrogate everyone who might have stolen his coffee.

**Scarlet's Office**

Palmer slams open the door to Scarlet's office and stomps inside. Scarlet was busy working away on the computer when she looked up and saw his frustrated expression

"**What do you want, fatass?"** Scarlet asks him.

"**Where's my coffee, bitch?"** Palmer asks her angrily.

"**I don't know! I didn't think you drank anything else but Tea with lard. What's the matter, your dimply-ass can't take any more herbal—"**

Before Scarlet could finish that sentence, Palmer bitch-slaps her, sending her crashing into her computer monitor. Palmer then leaves for the next area.

**Heidegger's Office**

Palmer barges into Heidegger's office and stops at his desk, where Heidegger was busy drinking Vodka. He turns and looks at Palmer and starts talking in Russian slurs as he tries to tell him to get out.

Quickly realizing that it would be a waste of time trying to talk to him, Palmer leaves the officer after he had shoved Heidegger's fat hairy face into his narrow bottle of Vodka.

**The Hallway**

Down in the hallway, all of the Turks were gathered for a brief meeting. Palmer strode toward them, red as a beet and stopped amidst of their conversation.

"**Um…yes?"** Tseng questioned as the fat executive interrupted their meeting.

"**Where's my coffee, Jerks?"** Palmer questioned as he pulled everyone by his or her neckties toward him simultaneously.

"**What are you talking about? None of us drinks any coffee!"** Reno protested.

"**Yeah! How dare you accuse us of stealing your stupid drink!"** Elena added.

Rude just gave Palmer an intimidating glare through his sunglasses.

Moments later, Palmer left the area after again gaining no new information on the whereabouts of his cup of coffee. Tseng was left stuck upside down inside a potted plant, while Elena's head was slammed into a nearby copy-machine. Reno had his electric rod shoved down his throat, while rude shoved headfirst into a file-cabinet, his legs flailing at the ends.

**Rufus's Office**

Palmer made one last stop: his boss's office. He kicks down the door and approaches Rufus, who was ready for Palmer, as he already had his shotgun out and pointed at the overweight executive.

"**Before you even say a single word, I do not have your damn coffee, so go away!"** Rufus warned Palmer, but Palmer didn't listen.

Palmer left the office after he had taken Rufus's shotgun and wrapped it around his neck like a noose.

**The Break Room**

Palmer, on the verge of going postal on the rest of the corporation, heads back to the break room. Once there, he stopped and glared at man who was holding his cup of coffee he had poured earlier.

It was Reeve.

"**Ah! Delicious caffeine refreshment! I wonder who left it here behind the napkin dispenser? Oh well, mine now,"** Reeve said, about to take a sip of his coffee.

Reeve was completely oblivious of Palmer's presence, as he was immediately jumped and got the crap beaten out of him. Afterwards, Palmer takes his coffee and drinks it to his satisfaction.

"**Ah! Now that's good stuff! Time to get to work! Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la,"** Palmer sang as he skipped merrily out of the room.

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**The End**

**So watchya think? Please review!!!**

Read the sequel to this fic: **Palmer And His Coffee Crises, OH NO!**, already up!


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